Bored Log

I tend to overanalyze...alot...

2006-10-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Last sunday I went to church and I remembered why I stopped going in the first place. I have nothing against the pastor and why he speaks the way he does, nor do I think it is wrong to preach as long as the end result will lead people closer to God. Faith, after all plays an important role in all our lives whether we want to admit it or not.

My belief in the matter is that pastors or people who speak in front of a multitude have in more ways than one an effect in the listeners lives. They have to a greater or lesser degree an influence in the way people act their beliefs once they step out of church. With this in mind, they bear the burden of having to choose their words wisely. The sheep will always follow the shepherds voice especially those who are lost.

The pastor spoke of love and how a person should love according to the Bible. It was interesting to see how he tackled the issue of love. It was mostly based on the Bible which I believe spoke true about what love is. I was absently contemplating how the world would be a better place if everyone could follow this simple passage when I heard the pastor say love isn't a feeling. This broke me from my reverie.

I listened as he spoke of how love should not be a feeling but a will guided by the words of God. That parents should love their children by making them learn their mistakes. That to love your enemies means that you do it even if you don't want to...and that you can't eat love. I don't have much argument with the three former lines but the last one caught my attention. Does it mean that you should be practical in love? Is it truly Christian to love and worry about what you will eat when the Bible says do not worry about what you will eat and wear for the Lord will provide you all this and more? Is love to be a seperation of mind and heart? Then I started thinking more.

What about the story of the prodigal son? Does this mean that the father did not love his son by giving him everything and spoiling him and taking him back when he lost it all? Can you truly say you love one who has wronged you even if you think about what he has done to you and you only love him because you have to? Is love the act of thinking about the pros and cons rather than the act of sacrifice? Do we love to suffer or suffer to love?

I wonder if anyone can truly say what God's love is like. I would like to imagine it. The world is full of things that leave the imagination to interpret it and sometimes we inject a little bit of ourselves into what should simply just be. Faith is something people grab a hold onto because without it they have no guidance, no structure to their lives. It might be God's word you are preaching but it is you who they listen to. And if you tell them that love isn't a feeling, then what is?

Recuperation...and in time is only a memory...

2006-09-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

We're ok now. In fact, better than before from what I can gather. It's not so much that we fought and got back together but it was the lesson worth learning. Life is always full of firsts. It is never what you expect it to be and always what you don't think it can be. I have come to a realization that every experience is always a new experience. Nothing is ever repeated quite the same way as before. That's what makes life so interesting.

I have gained in myself a newfound strength. I am refreshed. So much so that I think I'm ready for anything else the world throws at me. I know this to be overly optimistic but I can't help but feel it anyway. I am blessed with being given this new chance at life. It will still be a long, hard road and the best things will be few and far between but I have grown a sense of confidence that I have never known before.

Maybe it's just the exhiliration of the moment that finds me in this blissful condition and maybe I don't understand life at all. But I am certain of one thing. We only have today for the rest of our lives. There can be no more turning back time, no more repeating history despite it being an overused catch phrase. It is an altogether surreal yet melancholic thing to behold. To realize that this is the last time that we will ever have this time. A microsecond tick away from the rest of our lives. A tiny droplet of fate that will forever change the course of our lives. A small and insignificant decision which could alter the course of history. A speck of thread in the tapestry of God. I am healing now. And yet all I will ever have is this time.

The ogre in me

2006-09-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend always joked about me being an ogre and she being a princess because I'm huge, clumsy and I forget my own strength very often. It wasn't funny when I ended up giving her bruises because I tried to prevent her from getting out of the car one night we had a fight. I just wanted to talk. But it's no excuse for hurting her.

I tried to deal with it. I think I'm handling it better now. I hope she can forgive me. It is a lesson learned under the worst conditions possible. Hurting the one you love the most. I have always loathed people who abuse women, I never thought I would become one. I wish I could say that if anyone hit me or if anything bad happened to me it would make it better. But I know it won't. Nothing will change the fact that I had hurt her physically and that she feels betrayed by it. The only person who she thought would protect her couldn't protect her from himself. It is a damaging blow to something that seemed like a happy romance. I pray that we're strong enough to survive it.

I can never forgive myself for having done that to her. Now I must live with my mistake. One that I hope I can recover from. It is always the hardest lessons learned that are the most bitter. But I know now that passion in its purest form can be a dangerous thing if you let it run you to the ground. It is good to love unconditionally. It is not good to love desperately. There are times when you just have to let the situation run its full-course. Because there will always be the ogre in all of us waiting to come out at that moment and make things worse.

I have gone through alot of changes in this my 30th year. I hope for the most part it is for the better. I would not have thought it possible if not for Berlyn. She is my girlfriend, my conscience, my hope, my love. I know its unusual to put all faith in one person especially if you are the more experienced one by far. But she has shown me how to look at myself and become better for it. In that aspect she is hands down the better part.

Love isn't something that happens without conflict. In fact, it is conflict that makes love all the more sweeter. It is in struggling that you realize how much somebody really means to you. It is the hardships that make it all worthwhile at the end of the day when you go back to the one you love and just cherish her for everything that she is.

She teases that I am her Shrek and that she is my Fiona. If I could be that gentle-hearted, loving and make her happy like that, I wouldn't mind being her ogre for the rest of my life.

Of faith, love, and struggle which brings us to hope...

2006-08-22T01:43:00.000-07:00

People change. I'd like to believe that I did. Partly because I've always wanted to but mostly because I have a reason to. I've always thought that I had to control my life, to take charge such as it is. That if I allow anyone to depend on I would lose my independence, my self-worth, my identity.

Funny I never understood the meaning of it before and I tried so hard to disprove and deny everything that had to do with it. Faith I mean. I thought I never needed it. I certainly did not think I would be one to close my mind around it. It is a powerful thing faith. Faith in God. And yet, I am still having a hard time focusing on it. Years of living under the assumption of something else has probably dampened my soul to see the truth.

Everybody needs a reason to have faith. It could be about family, work, relationships or just something as simple as walking out of your door and into the street. Now that I think about it, no one can truly say they have no faith. Even those without have faith in having no faith at all.

My reason is mostly about love and the requisite conditions that come along with it. Whoever said that love is free clearly did not understand it. Love is not free. It always comes with a price. It is the progeny of struggle. For without struggle, you cannot find out about real love.

It brings to mind the perfect example of love. The love borne of sin. The love in which Jesus died for on the cross. Love doesn't mean sacrifice but it cannot exist without it. In order to love someone, you would have to give up something. This is a concept which few would comprehend. They know the facts. They just don't understand it. It is a conditioning resulting from the way the world has taught us. Which brings us to hope.

Hope, much like faith is a powerful thing to behold. It gives people something to look forward to in the most dire circumstances. It heals wounds and saves lives when everything else points to the opposite. It is perhaps this that has shaped the world which we know of today. Hope, or the lack of it is probably responsible for most of our daily decisions without even thinking about it.

If faith brings us to believe in something and love binds it together then hope renews us when we struggle with our faith and within our love. I believe that God has a reason why He made me who I am. I may not comprehend my love for Him or Him for me yet but I have hope that He will let me see through it eventually.

It is these which allow me to change. To make me love with sacrifice. To let me dream with hope. To hold strong to my faith. For without these, then the world I know of seems so bleak indeed.

...and all that is left are faith, hope and love...and the greatest of these is love. from the Bible

Complexities

2006-03-15T16:53:00.000-08:00

The world is full of diversities. Even within sects of similar origins, there are completely different individuals whose beliefs clash. It is a wonder the human race has survived this long without wiping each other off the face of the earth. Why people insist on complicating their lives is beyond me. Standards are supposed to be there to guide you, not run your lives.

Traditionally speaking, we are that kind of society. We move at a slow pace to catch up with the times. We hold on to the past like it is some kind of holy grail. People view traditionalism as a way of life. Change. It is a constant in all our lives.

People are afraid of change. They have so gotten used to their way of life that if a change occured, it would be a disaster. They think that another way of living life is so wrong, they refuse to accept it. And so they try to rationalize it by pointing out the shortcomings of other people and justifying their own as to make it right.

But who is to say what is right and what is wrong in a persons life? The future is never a certainty. There are no constants except for change. There is no extreme. There is only life and the way you choose to live it, then there is death.

What is life if you cannot make your own choices?

What is tomorrow if you have no hope?

What is love if you are made to choose sides?

What is happiness if you must sacrifice your own?

What am I without you?

Life is too short...and people live it the way they want to

2006-03-14T16:42:00.000-08:00

Something has happened recently which made me think about why people do the things they do. Like why do people fall in love? Or why do they fail to see what other people see? Why is it hard to let go? Why are there extreme conservatives and extreme liberals? Then I had an epiphany. I can't really answer these questions because I would have to ask each individual on this planet if I needed one.

People live life the way they want to or at least live it the way they think they should. They have their own opinions, their own ways of dealing with difficulty. Like when they seek the approval of others to come to a decision in their life, that is an individual trait. But then again, don't all people seek approval in one form or another whether we like to admit it or not?

Maybe if we understood each other more. Maybe if we had more knowledge or wisdom. The concept of right and wrong has been a vague one at best. But people who think they are right about something rarely question the alternatives. Why do people live life the way they do? Maybe its because they don't know another way to live it...life that is.

A new year and everything else that follows

2006-02-19T18:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a crazy start for the new year. Feels like my head is still rushing to catch up with my body. After all the holiday bru-ha-has, much has to be said about what my life is going through right now. Changes. It's something you will never get used to no matter how many times you have done it.

This year marks my 30th (ya, you heard it right...the big 3-0) celebration of my being brought into this world, and as I look back at the things that have brought me to this point in my life, I can't help but wonder that if there really was a God...does He have a sense of humor?

Recently I have been enamored by a young lady, I suppose that it's normal for a man to be so. But what sets it apart is the fact that I know what I'm doing, I'm just not sure where it's going...yet. I suppose that alot of people were in my situation at one point or another, but I just can't help thinking about all the things that have happened to me which has lead me to this point in my life...confused and falling in love (which are probably one and the same).

So I do what comes naturally in this state, I panic. I tell myself that it's all an elaborate trap, that someone will pull the carpet out from under me and I would fall down with no safety net to catch me. It's not too late to run back. There's still time to back out. There's still a chance I might not plunge into the abyss known as crash-and-burn. So what do I do? I lunge in head first. I never was one to listen to words of caution, especially my own.

If experience has taught me anything, it's this - you can never have enough experience when it comes to matters of the heart. It's just something you do or you don't, there is no middle ground for it (or if there was, somebody conveniently left it out in the birthing process).

Nobody really knows what will happen next, I know I have absolutely no idea about it. But sometimes you don't really need to know or try and anticipate every move. Sometimes there is no right or wrong, there's just you and what you decide on. It's a leap of faith. Faith that is based on nothing but what you're feeling. Faith that has no credibility whatsoever but what your gut is trying to tell you. Faith in that there is no mistake about it even if you think it is.

Maybe I'm just getting old and sentimental. I know for sure that I'm being a wuss about it. But I guess we all go through that at some point in our lives...falling in love I mean.

It's a feeling that has no warning,
this thing called love
It's chocolates and flowers blooming,
this thing called love
It's hope and happiness and all things nice,
this thing called love
It's heartaches and pain and alot of spice,
this thing called love
It's what adults have forgotten but children understand,
this thing called love
It is innocence and pureness, humble not grand
this thing called love
It is you and me sharing a sunset
watching the world go by
listening to the sound of the wind pass us by
this thing called love

Busy, diplomatic, spend-crazy week

2005-11-25T18:24:00.000-08:00

It's been such a trip this week. I started it off real mellow then on Tuesday, my favorite dive shop called up and said they had my watch available. Oh joy, oh joy! My new dive watch! Then it was off to dinner with some friends from the embassy at the Shangri-la for a most scrumptious buffet.

I arrived a tad earlier than expected (in this town, you have to overcompensate for fear of traffic going bad) so I decided to walk around Glorietta and ended up at Rustans. Long story short, I managed to spend my money with much gusto on a new pair of Kenneth Coles and an I-cartrip for my ipod (there goes my Christmas money).

Dinner was fabulous but the week was only starting.

The day after, I was invited to go to a Thanksgiving dinner being held by a nice couple from the U.S. embassy. The invitation was for 3:00pm. 3:00pm? Who has dinner at 3:00pm? Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised to find an assortment of food, wine, and a really nice selection of beer and other alcoholic beverages (which I made a beeline for shortly after arriving) spread out on the table (the turkey was still slowly cooking at this point but the smell was intoxicating).

By the time the turkey came out of the oven, it was indeed evening and we had chatted, drank and ate the appetizers with the passing of time. And after the turkey, the cranberry sauce (I know it's hard to get cranberry sauce here but what they got was absolutely delicious) and the stuffing, it was time for dessert.

And boy, what a dessert! We had apple pie, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, suman (sticky rice with sugar and coconut), mango pie, ummm I can't remember the rest cause there were just too many. Suffice to say, it was a very delectable evening.

The next night we went to this quaint little place called Enoteca in Mandaluyong to have dinner . Now if you live in Metro Manila, you'll think where in Mandaluyong? Are there any good restaurants there? That was the same thing I thought when we passed by roads and went through dark alleys that looked like they had muggers waiting in every corner.

It was surprising to find this small Italian wine cellar cum restaurant tucked away in a little corner of the road. Needless to say, people have to know of this place to go there because you won't see much foot traffic in that area. It was packed inside. If you didn't have a reservation, you wouldn't have much chance of getting a table.

Once inside, you will immediately be assaulted by the sights and scents of the place, it's like being transported to some Italian villa in Tuscany complete with a huge piece of cheese that looked like a wheel and several dried meat. And it being a wine cellar, wine was flowing from everywhere. The best part of it was it was an inexpensive place (say around the price range of $10 usd per person) for almost unlimited wine and antipasti (we actually just stood up and got bottles from the wall and poured ourselves the wine).

After dinner, our friend had made reservations for us at this place called the Club Mwah which was near the restaurant. Now, if you've ever seen the shows in Las Vegas and combine it with the shows in Bangkok, then you probably have an idea of what I'm talking about.

I was skeptical at first, I thought "oh not another gay show." (I'm talking about the comedy clubs that have popped up in Metro Manila with gay hosts that sing and make lewd jokes, most of which are really not at all entertaining).

I must say I wasn't blown away so to speak but it was quite refreshing to see that it really was a genuine attempt to make the guests feel entertained. It was like watching a mini-Broadway show. I never knew men (who are now transformed into a more feminine form) could be that flexible until I saw this show. And the comic relief was doing much better than most of what I've seen in so-called comedy bars.

All in all, it was a most fullfilling week for me and I'm looking forward to just sleeping over the long weekend that is coming up and diving the next weekend. I can't wait.

Wanderings

2005-11-17T00:31:00.000-08:00

I was browsing through pictures of our Malapascua trip and I was just dumbstruck by this photo my friend took. It's so surreal. I wish I had a lifetime of sunset moments like this one. I'll be a happy man if I could retire in a place like this.

Of fear and paranoia

2005-11-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

Lately, the world has been spiraling down into a cesspool of fear and terrorism. It makes people feel vulnerable and feeling vulnerable, people tend to act rashly. Take for example the incident in London a few months back and the more recent incident in France. Fear. It is the great divider.

Back here, there was another incident that sparked fear into the already paranoia-driven society we call the Metro. An incident involving the deaths of young men in the hands of law-enforcers. Young men who belonged to rich, prominent families.

These young men were suspected carnappers or carjackers if you prefer that term. The police report basically stated that law-enforcers got a tip that this group of men were planning a carnapping on that night and they followed through with it.

Upon identifying the suspects, they moved to apprehend the vehicle they were in only to be shot at (as per the police report). So the police returned fire, killing and incapacitating the suspects. Later on, a video footage showed the same policemen closing up on the suspects' vehicle and opening fire at point-blank range. Execution? Maybe. Some people would like to believe it at least.

This is the dilemma of a third-world country that deals so much with politics and a corrupted system that views the informal exchange of money as commonplace. It has more flaws than could be seen as a genuine attempt at justice.

All of the reports bear incident to what happened, who were involved and the where and when it happened. But the question comes to mind; of all the speculation and the finger-pointing happening out there, did anyone really bother to trace the events in chronological order? What about post-mortem autopsy on the deceased? At the least, they should have had them tested for gunpowder discharge for both sides. It is after all a standard operating procedure in these instances right?

I'm not saying any party is guilty. That is up for the courts to decide. But when you throw away the facts and focus instead on looking pretty, all you have left are just thugs with guns and badges. It is not hard to ascertain if the deceased suspects were in fact innocent or guilty. Gunpowder discharge would have left a trace if they indeed have fired the weapons in question. As to if they were under the influence or not, a quick autopsy should reveal all that. It is also a part of the investigation I believe to determine which law-enforcer fired how many shots to which target. Execution or not.

Although it may be true (at least to their thinking) that the policemen were only doing their jobs. Mind you, I don't envy them because they're always on the spot whether or not they catch the bad guys. They have a bigger obligation to instill confidence that they can do their job better. It was never a matter of people trusting policemen. It was always a matter of policemen instilling fear into the people they were sworn to protect. Fear. And when people fear something, they act rashly.

Hopefully, this incident will enable other people to realize the system is so flawed that it's pointless to have it. Because what good is a system in place if no one ever follows it? What good is having a law if even the ones tasked to enforce it break it? I have no love lost for the deceased suspects, even less if they were proven guilty. But that doesn't make what the law-enforcers did any less wrong. Sure, they can say they acted only in response and the adrenaline that went with it. But if that's the case, then any crook can also say the same thing. The only difference is one wears a badge and the other doesn't.

Fear. It is something that an already tarnished law-enforcement image can do without. You instill fear in the lawbreakers, not the ones you are sworn to protect. It's not easy but it is a part of the job.

Contemplations

2005-11-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

What is it about death that makes us feel unsure of what to say or do? It is a puzzling thought that we don't even know anything about. We often see death as a sad event. Feelings well up inside of us when we learn of the death of someone we knew or that involves someone we know.

I have two funerals to go to this week. Same cause of death, different people. One is a relative, the other is someone I knew only in name and through my dear friend.

I go to both funerals to pay my respect not only to the deceased, but also to those who knew them better. Yet, there is a difference in the way I feel about each death. As profound as it may sound, I feel less regret for the death of my relative than that of the person I never met.

Maybe because I know that not many people will shed tears or feel loss for the death of my relative, including me. Maybe because the person I never met was just so young and vital still. Maybe because it makes me think about how my own death might be like.

Death makes us think about our life and how we lived it. We choose our own path and death will be the ultimate test of our character. Life in death.

An ode to life

2005-11-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

Has it been always like this?
Have I always been the person I am today?

Change is an altogether wonderful and terrible thing
It is the inevitability of it that is its appeal

How one spoken word; one minute detail, one grave action
Can change our destiny forever

Life is full of what-ifs and whys
It is a set of rules spoken and unspoken

What draws the line between good and evil?
What constitutes tact and the blatant disregard of it?

Without good, there would be no evil;
Without light, there would be no dark

We are all opposites and the same
We are hatred and yet love

To some, fortune is a lifestyle;
To most, it is a dream

Is it truly better to keep silent?
Why must we live in pretense?

The truth is never really the truth;
The truth is, we believe what we want to believe

Hope. Hope. Hope.
Hope but never expect

Dreams become reality only with conditions
Nothing in life is for free.

Live. Laugh. Love
It is what makes us human

It is what gives us hope
It is life.

Malapascua and then some

2005-11-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

So we had a very long weekend because of the confusing state of affairs we call holidays in this country. It was only prudent that I take a long vacation which involved me diving in some remote island. In this case, it was called Malapascua island.

It started out as a one-hour plane ride followed by a four-hour drive to the pier then another hour of a boat ride to cross to the island. By the time we got there, we were hungry, wet and tired (not necessarily in that order) but we had one dive to do because well, we wanted to.

We had planned it as a dusk dive but one delay led to another and we ended up doing a night dive instead. Well, great way to start the vacation I suppose. After that, it was drinks and waiting for our dinner which took an hour per order. Wait, let me back up a bit here.

Ok, so when we arrived at the island it was around 2:00 pm and we proceeded to have lunch at the resort. We were all very hungry at this point and I don't think any one of us would have cared if they served us instant noodles. To my surprise, they did serve us instant noodles and we did care, very much indeed thank you.

Ah well back to my talk about dinner. It was in one of the local restaurant/bar which only had one cook and one burner on the stove. So it took an hour to prepare for an order of whatever except maybe the drinks which meant we were all tipsy by the time the food came over.

I had ordered a fish fillet with butter and lemon sauce. Surprisingly enough, the one-hour wait is worth it (that is if you're not starving and pissy about drinking first) because the servings were generous and the food was, to my humble critique, five-star class.

After dinner we had a couple more drinks and off we went to bed to get some rest for our 4:00 am dive run to watch sharks clean their teeth.

4:00 am came and went and we were all up (hungry and grouchy for lack of coffee in a most ungodly hour) and ready to board the boat. We had commissioned two boats to take us out to the thresher shark area (which is mostly open water and about 70 - 80 feet below is a huge plateau with a 1000 foot drop) but our boat had to transfer all our stuff from the night before to another boat. Suffice it to say, we had been delayed for an hour and by the time we got to the dive site, the sun was already shining and the sharks were long gone (them being sensitive to light).

We went to a couple more dive sites but one in particular was one I liked very much (next to the thresher shark area) because it was a 15 meter long cavern underwater at about 60 - 70 feet and it was magnificent. We didn't actually see much but the locals say that it is usually housed with white-tipped reef sharks, sea snakes and other similar underwater cavern creatures. We did sea a white-banded sea snake on our way to the surface though and a few of us saw a white-tipped reef shark hidden under a coral formation.

After we headed back to the beach for a little relaxation, I decided to try out a most unusual but enticing sight, a floating bar (which I like to call a water bar because it's on water). And that's where I saw what was probably the most beautiful sunset I have ever laid eyes on. It was picturesque, an absolute thing of beauty. One that would most certainly guarantee a marriage proposal had there been anyone to marry at that moment.

So it was that I had thrown down a couple of vodkas and off I went to dinner with my compatriots. It was a most serene night and suffice to say, I was very drunk so off I went to get a massage and then fall asleep.

We woke up again in the wee hours of the morning in hopes that we would get a glimpse of the main attraction again, which were the thresher sharks. It wasn't so bad this time but the dive operator fucked up again so there was a bit of a delay. It was all forgotten when we hit the water because we saw the most amazing sight (two of them, in fact), thresher sharks. Big, fat long-tailed and quite shy of humans, they would come up out of their underwater refuge to have themselves cleaned by smaller fish.

After that, we had to call off other dive plans because it started raining, the wind was strong and the calm waters became small swells that made some of our crew sick. We had a few hours to kill before heading back to Cebu city in preparation for our flight back to Manila the next day.

I had some friends in Cebu city and after arriving they took me out for a drunken spree and paint the town red (or whatever color I paint it with). But that's a story for another day I'm afraid.

I would definitely go back to Malapascua for diving or for just plain beach-bumming, getting drunk and relaxing. It reminded me of how Boracay used to be. I didn't mind the fact that there were no fresh water showers, or that we had to either settle for fast crappy food or slow gourmet meals. It was a beautiful experience and one I would enjoy going back to.

Culturally Speaking

2005-10-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was reading a post from Tarot (you can find her blog link on the right side) about abortion and there was this news about a woman dropping 3 of her kids off a bridge. Now, I don't know if she was insane or desperate or whatever but I came across a line about the report that said it might be in some cultures to kill their children before commiting suicide. Great.

People have been writing off alot of differences as a difference in culture and frankly speaking, it's annoying the hell out of me. I had a professor in English once who said that people speak the English language differently because of culture. Particularly, the Chinese and Japanese because they had difficulty pronouncing the letter "r". I obligingly told her off of course, explaining with subtlety that I am Chinese and my English was perfect. She flunked me.

Culture is defined as the totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought. Well, it's one of the definitions anyway. It's usually derived from necessity or just plain simplicity. Take for example, the Japanese tradition of tea drinking. It's in their culture to enjoy the simplicity and complexity of it because they never really had much to do in those days and the tradition was just handed down as an art.

Take another example the tradition of the Filipino people of "mano po". It's in their culture to show their respect to their elders in this manner. What culture would teach you to pronounce "r" like "l"? That's just a matter of getting the right education. What culture would teach you to drop your kids off a bridge? Sure the Islamic fanatics kill in the name of Allah but that's a belief. In a time of oppresion and turmoil, they had to have some form of inspiration to defeat their enemies. Sadly enough, it is mostly a perversion now of how it started.

Culture is just another word to most of us but it should embody the best of what people represent, not the worst. It's so easy to just say that a person would rape and murder their own children and go "Well, it's in their culture". If that's the case, then is it in our culture as humans to act like animals? Maybe it's not a case of culture. Maybe it's just our nature.

Recently….

2005-10-19T00:19:00.000-07:00

A few words about blogging. I haven’t really been writing on my blog but I have been posting the usual nonsense on livejournal. I just didn’t feel the need to update my blog as much I suppose.

Lately though I’ve been hooked on podcasting and I realized that hey, what a great combo – blogging and podcasting seems like the right mix, at least it makes sense to me. Anyway, me and my friend are about to start podcasting something soon…hopefully and I’m really looking forward to it since anyone who knows me knows that I’m very opinionated and vocal about a lot of stuff.

**************************************************************************************

Now on to other stuff. I've recently subscribed to The One Campaign but I have been hearing about them since the start and reading up on some of what they do. I think it's a good cause although there's the usual celebrity component and dumb humanitarian awards that go with it (why do people insist on giving out awards for being human anyway?).

Anyways, I've been trying to compare it with the poverty that we have here in the Philippines. Yes, I think it's admirable that we help people in need. Yes, I think it's part of our responsibility to help those less fortunate than us. But what I don't think we should do is become a country of pity-mongers (if there is such a word, I'm sure we invented it).

There's no denying that the Philippines is a financially incapable country. Not rich? yes. Impoverish? No.

All this talk about who's to blame for the state of the country and all the media hype about how the poor lowly common folk should be heard is just another way of saying " We don't wanna work, we want you to work for us and then give us some of your hard-earned money. And if you fuck up on your payment to us, we'll hold rallies and protests till you can't take it anymore and then we'll find us another idiot who'll do the same."

Now I'm not saying there are no genuine poverty- stricken folk in this country, just that there are no genuine motives that befit the status. Case for example is a "few" years ago when I was still in college. I used to have a loaf of bread in the car with me so I could give it to kids or old people (I never had pity for capable people who still had the full use of limbs begging) who would rap on the car window to beg.

It was another common day as I went home and this kid started rapping on my car window. Mind you now, beggars in most of our streets don't look malnourished (if you want to see malnourished, look at pictures of ethiopian children begging for food), but still, for whatever reason, be it eternal salvation or just a case of the bleeding heart we give when begged for.

So I gave this kid 2 pieces of bread and without even saying thank you, he looked at the bread and threw it back at me. Since then, I've had a different view of how beggars should be "pitied". If they're selling sampaguitas for example, I would oblige them by buying. But if they just rap on the car window and beg, I just ignore them. It sounds cold but maybe that's what we should be doing as responsible fortunate people.

I'm not saying we should stop caring for people in need of our help or that we should stop giving. But in always giving when you know that alot of people are capable of helping themselves with the right shove, we instead make them complacent and always asking for another hand.

I know other people help because it makes them feel good but think about this the next time you feel like helping or giving - Where does it go? Do they use the money you give them for food for the night or for drugs and cigarettes? Do they eat the food or sell it? Do they live in the house you give them or rent it out?

People may want pity, but they definitely do not need it. What they need is a push to help themselves on whatever track they were on. The question is can we give that push?

Clarity

2005-10-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

There are days when everything just clicks in your head and your surrounding seems so clear. It's not pleasant, it's not depressing, it's just...clear. This is one of those days for me. It's one of those days where you know that every decision you make is right and made without hesitation. Where you just keep going until the adrenaline fades and you're sitting back and thinking..."God, I wish I had more of these days."

And then it's back to simple old you.

A poem

2005-09-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up with another taste of bitterness in my lips because of certain things I fail at. chatted with my friend and learned something sad which prompted me to realize that my life isn't so bad and that there are greater things to be thankful for. that there are other people with a more unfortunate happenstance than I.
this is my view of things (maybe even a tribute to them because I happened to watch Oprah last night and saw the children dying).

If there’s a God

If there’s a God in this world or not
How can He be so cruel?

If there’s a God in our lives and souls
How can He be so apathetic?

If there’s a God who would take our lives
Why must he take the good ones?

If there’s a God who loves us
Why can’t he understand our plight?

So much pain
So much suffering
So much in need

The famine, the murder, the deaths
The injustice, the inequality, the partiality of it all

Is this the world where God rules?
Is this the life which God grants?
Is this the love which God shows?

What is the truth then?
What is the salvation?

Is it God? Nay, because God gave us the will to save ourselves
Is it us? Nay, we cannot be so arrogant to think so

We are tiny specks in a universe filled with tiny specks
But we are humungous in a world filled by us

It is belief
It is faith
It is courage
It is honor and dignity

These are only words, yet words that hold true
That God does exist

We might not comprehend His intentions
Yet we might who can say?

In the end, it is our belief that sets us free
It is our faith that gives us salvation
It is our courage that lets us live a good life
It is our honor and dignity that lets us die a good death

I'm hungover and pissed cause I broke my tooth on a piece of stone

2005-09-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I still can't get the pink out of my blog. But I will write again soon. Get the pink out of my blog.

testing changes

2005-09-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

defeated by my own attempt at cleverness.

Computers and Restaurants

2005-06-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

After taking our two danske friends to the airport (and alot of almost tear-jerking farewells), we headed back into Manila to spend the rest of the day doing work or whatever it is Joey does during the day. I was excited to get back to the office so I can log on the net again and while the hours away engrossed in blogging.

Little did I know that my PC caught a virus and it just refused to boot up! My mind screamed with outrage and protest but failed to come up with a fast solution to overcome this dilemma. Eventually, I picked up the phone directory and started looking for PC stores that would help me recover from this problem with convenience in mind. Luckily, I chanced upon an ad that read: PCMed with homeservice for your computer problems. Eureka! I quickly dialled their number and yes, for a small fee they will come over and look at the problem and fix it.

I breathed a sigh of relief and finished the day without anymore stress to bear me down.

That night me and my friend Oliver went out to have a few drinks and he showed me this quaint little restaurant in a not-so-quite posh area (alright, it was slum city outside) but the food was great and the beer was cheap. When I entered the establishment, I had the sense that it was either a crappy place with cheap old waitresses or it was an entertainment place with slutty flesh for sale. To my surprise, it was neither.

The place opens up from 5pm - 12 midnight (to avoid getting people too drunk and rowdy, I suppose), and the waitresses were both eyecandy and courteous to guests as well. They even had a second floor videoke area where the waitresses would sing a number and let the guests sing another. It reminded me of those Japanese (or was it Taiwanese?) pubs where you can look all you like but you can't touch the merchandise, which was a welcome change from the usual extremes our establishments have around here.

Next day the PC technician arrived and not only did he fix my problem, he made my PC seem to run faster (of course, I realize my old softwares were kinda outdated) and I am happy now that I can blog away in the middle of my day with thoughts of what the next day will bring.